Me again.

Ahh!
Yeh, I know I'm back for the second time today, but I just wanna write what I'm feeling down, which is defiantly the thing a blog is for, so I am gonna make the most of it while I am in this odd mood of mine. This... unsatisfied mood? No, that sounds terrible. Um... Gah! What's the word I am looking for? How abouts... -un happy-.. yeh, lets got with that. Un happy.
So... yeh.
Lets go, yo!
So, I feel as if I should start from the beginning. But you already know quite a lot... But no, I do feel as if i should. But i also feel as if I would be inconveniencing you by doing so.
Oh fine, you convinced me! xD
So, for my New Years Resolutions last year, I decided to do a shit-load, so I will have a real chance of actually achieving at least one of them. 31 in total. :)
So, One of the main ones was to stay single for the year. And trust me, It hasn't been easy wanting to keep it. I have been wanting to get rid of it for months, due to some boys coming and going, being all too easy to like.
But now... I am really staring to like his guy.
Ben Reihana.
I dont know what it is about him, but he is nice to me. I don't get that often from boys, and even when I do, it's rare and often followed by some nasty-ness of some sorts. He's also part of the popular-type group (as popular was you can get at my school anyway) xD So when he talks to me, it's a shock. It's something that really takes me by surprise.
He gives me butterflies when I think about him, or look at him, but not when I'm talking to him.
When I talk to him, I keep my cool. ;)
It's a trick I have mastered. :3
Anyway, I just feel as if I have to get this all out somehow. No matter how bad I want it to happen, how bad I wanna talk to someone and let it ALL out. I mean, Ruby would be perfect. I will plan that for another time.
I just... I just wanna have something perfect and beautiful with someone.
I wouldn't say I'm desperate.
Lordy no.
Lonely though?
Hell yeh.
I HATE being single when everyone around me is getting into relationships. I mean, sure, when I see people like Ruby breaking up with Jake, I wonder; 'Is it worth it?'. But I remember how happy she was, and I realize it really is.
The heartbreak is only temporary.
And the heartbreak doesn't need to be there at all.
I want the typical teenage relationship.
-sigh- I'm sounding desperate now, aren't I? -facepalm-
I talked to Nick about it once, and he was the same as me, agreeing that he also wanted that 'Childhood Sweetheart'. Someone you can look back on in 20 years and still remember how in love you were with them.
I am sad to say, at the moment, I have only one to look back on without cringing, and he is now Gay, so I still cringe a little.
The worry that it was you who turned him off girls is forever to be a worry in your mind when this happenes, trust me.

-facepalm-
Kaisa'x